Struggles

I went back to school after winter break this Monday. These past two days have been some of th most draining days I have ever experienced. If this is how the beginning of the week is going so far, then I wonder how the rest of the week is going to look!

In addition to recieving the immense after-break workload like a slap in the face, I have been struggling with trying to find time to dedicate myself to my resolutions and to simply be with God and acknowledge Him. A lot of this is because the devil has kind of been sneaking around, trying to find ways to breach the barriers I'm trying to set up in my mind. Over winter break, I just started opening my heart to the prospect of dating again (I had been reluctant to the idea since my one and only past relationship). Well, long story short, I'm feeling awfully lousy right now. It kind of stings knowing that the guy who you know liked you and that you have had a crush on for years suddenly decided that he doesn't like you anymore for some strange, unexplainable reason.

One of the thoughts floating around in my head is, "What? Am I not good enough?" And looking on this now, I realize that this thought, this question, is the kind of reaction the devil takes advantage of. In fact, a lot of the time he is the one who puts it there to begin with. It's difficult because I emotionally feel that something's wrong with me since that guy doesn't want to go out with me. But I know in my head, and the truth resounds in my soul, that God never makes a mistake when he makes a person. In fact, God has made us all more than good enough, he has made us great! He has given us plenty of good qualities, and plenty of room to grow. The person who looks past that fact and who doesn't see how wonderful we are is the person who should be prayed for.

And so I pray for those kinds of people, the ones whose eyes are blind and whose ears are deaf and whose hearts are blocked, that they may become aware of God's artistry in making us and giving us our lives. May their lives be shaken up from their monotonous ways of living and may their worlds just be rocked by the amazingness of God's love!

I intend to set aside a couple of hours tonight where I can completely focus on Him without any outside distractions. After reading this, I know I am stressed, especially with finals coming up. I cannot put myself in a position for the devil to try to mess up my life.

I cannot dwell on the things that "could have been." I can think about the things that God has promised, the things that He says He will do.

Reader (if there is anyone reading this, which there possibly might not be, but anyways), know that you were no mistake. You were given what you have for a reason; you were placed in the lives of others for a reason. You cannot go back and change the past, but why would you want to? Things needed to happen that way in order to end up where you are today. If it feels like you've hit rock-bottom, look at it this way: There's only one way to go from here, and that's up.