I could write about so much happiness right now. I could go on and on about how even though I am running on a grand total of maybe six or eight hours of sleep since Friday, I am amazed how much God taught me as a leader and not even a student about his power to work in anyone at this middle school retreat. About how even though my girls liked to try to all talk to me at once so I couldn't hear any of them and liked to talk about anything except what we were supposed to be talking about, they showed incredible maturity when it came to cleaning up and being on time. In fact, these guys taught me a lot, too! They taught me that even sixth graders can have incredibly deep questions (one of my girls was asking what "apocalypse" really meant, and another asked about original sin, while still another asked about how to deal with atheistic oppression). (In fact, this latter girl also brought up a philosophical discussion while we were just hanging out one day about different people seeing colors differently, something I just began learning and thinking about this year!!! Whaaat.) They taught me that even if you just met someone for the first time, you can instantly become his or her friend because of the fact that Christ connects us all as brothers and sisters. They taught me that you can be firm without being strict, that you can be an efficient leader even though you may be less experienced than some of the older ones.
God showed me how he can create a beautiful work of art in even the smallest or youngest of us, just like the boy who shared that poem before we sang "Happy Day" during the worship session today. He placed me in a situation where I had to pray constantly for His hand over my group as well as my own effectiveness as a leader. He reminded me, through a middle school message, that His Word is sweeter than the sweetest honey, more powerful than a double-edged sword, and meant for everybody.
Still with all of this amazingness from the weekend, I find myself trying to stay numb so that I don't have to deal with the unsavory thought of trying to sort through exactly how I'm feeling about this certain event that happened this early evening. I know Wednesday I am going to a small group where I will try talking about it with the pastor and women there, so for that I am grateful and I can look forward to just holding out until then. Thankfully, I know God is here with me and I can turn to Him through prayer and His Word.
So now it's time to stop and take a breath. To step back, deeply inhale God's healing and comfort and encouragement and rest and power and courage and wisdom and love, and exhale worry and fear and discomfort and selfishness and anger and cowardice and ignorance and stubbornness. It's time to breathe in God, the one who first breathed life into us.
"I can't see without Your light/I need You to breathe into my life." -Superchick in "Breathe"