Randomness

Well, I decided about five seconds ago that I wanted to write a blog post, but then I started typing this sentence and realized that I really do not have anything specific in mind to write about. Usually I write with some insight. Today, I feel like being random. Kind of like that bursting-out-into-random-songs-whilst-dancing type of random. Well, not quite exactly like that since I'm lacking energy since finals start tomorrow and I'm trying to cope with the stress of putting finishing touches on some projects and essays, but that's besides the point. You get what I mean.

Speaking of random, though, it's often said that life is random. But in actuality, now that I think about it, it's not, is it? Not when God's in control of it all. He has a purpose for even the most minisule event. Each blade of grass pops up from the ground for a reason (even if that reason is to be eaten by a cow or something like that). He gives us the free will to say things or do things that may seem random to us (i.e. bursting out into song or going out with friends at the last minute), but He always seems to use those things to accomplish something, no matter how small or big the outcome ends up being.

That's strange to think about sometimes. It means that this blog post didn't really, truly, completely randomly happen, since God's using it for a reason (even if that reason is to help me pass time while I wait for videos to upload from my camera so I can finish a video project for school). It's so crazy how big God is, that He could have influence over every area of our lives and yet still give us free decision-making reign!

Struggles

I went back to school after winter break this Monday. These past two days have been some of th most draining days I have ever experienced. If this is how the beginning of the week is going so far, then I wonder how the rest of the week is going to look!

In addition to recieving the immense after-break workload like a slap in the face, I have been struggling with trying to find time to dedicate myself to my resolutions and to simply be with God and acknowledge Him. A lot of this is because the devil has kind of been sneaking around, trying to find ways to breach the barriers I'm trying to set up in my mind. Over winter break, I just started opening my heart to the prospect of dating again (I had been reluctant to the idea since my one and only past relationship). Well, long story short, I'm feeling awfully lousy right now. It kind of stings knowing that the guy who you know liked you and that you have had a crush on for years suddenly decided that he doesn't like you anymore for some strange, unexplainable reason.

One of the thoughts floating around in my head is, "What? Am I not good enough?" And looking on this now, I realize that this thought, this question, is the kind of reaction the devil takes advantage of. In fact, a lot of the time he is the one who puts it there to begin with. It's difficult because I emotionally feel that something's wrong with me since that guy doesn't want to go out with me. But I know in my head, and the truth resounds in my soul, that God never makes a mistake when he makes a person. In fact, God has made us all more than good enough, he has made us great! He has given us plenty of good qualities, and plenty of room to grow. The person who looks past that fact and who doesn't see how wonderful we are is the person who should be prayed for.

And so I pray for those kinds of people, the ones whose eyes are blind and whose ears are deaf and whose hearts are blocked, that they may become aware of God's artistry in making us and giving us our lives. May their lives be shaken up from their monotonous ways of living and may their worlds just be rocked by the amazingness of God's love!

I intend to set aside a couple of hours tonight where I can completely focus on Him without any outside distractions. After reading this, I know I am stressed, especially with finals coming up. I cannot put myself in a position for the devil to try to mess up my life.

I cannot dwell on the things that "could have been." I can think about the things that God has promised, the things that He says He will do.

Reader (if there is anyone reading this, which there possibly might not be, but anyways), know that you were no mistake. You were given what you have for a reason; you were placed in the lives of others for a reason. You cannot go back and change the past, but why would you want to? Things needed to happen that way in order to end up where you are today. If it feels like you've hit rock-bottom, look at it this way: There's only one way to go from here, and that's up.

Resolutions

I admit that I have never actually sat down and written a list of New Years resolutions. I might think about them or talk about them with someone, but I have never written them down before. Perhaps it's because I'm afraid of breaking them, which always seems to happen anyways. Maybe it's because I'm just too lazy. I mean, January 1 is just another day, right? What's so special about it?

Last Sunday at church the service really made me start to think about resolutions. Traditionally, January 1 is a day where we can dedicate ourselves to starting fresh. We can do that pretty much every day anyways, but New Years resolutions seem a bit more final, a bit of a bigger commitment. My biggest problem is the fact that I've never written mine down. See, if we do not actually write out what our goals are, who can we trust to keep us accountable besides ourselves and God? Not that we cannot trust God to keep us accountable. He's really good at that. The problem lies in when God whispers to us "Hey, I thought you were going to cut down on eating sweets" and we choose to ignore Him, which unfortunately happens a lot.

So, I am posting my resolutions up here for all to see, should anyone care to pass by and read them. That way, not only will I know that there are other people out there who know what I am trying to accomplish, but I also will be able to look at them myself when I go to blog. I think I'll even print out the page so I can stick them in my room somewhere to remind myself.

1. I resolve to improve my relationship with God even more than in this past year by dedicating more of my time to prayer and conversation with Him.
2. I resolve to improve my relationship with God even more than in this past year by reading at least eight chapters in the Bible each week. SOAP has helped me with this, and sometimes I have even done 14 chapters in a week, but I have been slacking off horribly lately and not reading at all. Therefore, I dedicate myself to reading His word!
3. I resolve to be the temple God wants me to be by improving my diet after the new year and to prevent myself from gaining the freshman 15 when I enter college by exercising and eating healthier.
4. I resolve to shine as a light of God by improving my relationships with my family before entering college, a task that God set upon me a couple of days ago when He asked me to write letters to them as part of my 30 day challenge at Impact.
5. I resolve to shine as a light of God by going out of my way to do something nice for someone as often as possible (i.e. holding open doors, picking up something that someone dropped, etc.).
6. I resolve to bend to God's will and complete the story that He asked me to write for Him this year that I never actually completed.

If I come up with more, I will definitely list them. Now that I look at this list, I realize that all of these resolutions are possible. I didn't think so at first as I was writing them, but nothing is impossible with God.

Happy New Year! See you in 2010!